Today, I had a panic attack. I started worrying, a lot. And someone once told me that worrying is like praying for something bad to happen. I had to stop, I knew I did. I wanted to self-destruct, I wanted to tell the man I loved that I wanted to be alone. I wanted to run. Go crazy, get the hell out of the place I was in, but I stopped myself.
I couldn’t do this to myself. I couldn’t run, again. That wasn’t me, that couldn’t be me. So I collapsed on the ground on my knees and started to breathe. I just breathed in and out, deep breaths. I spent about 15 minutes breathing in and out, trying to push away all negativity and it started to work. I started to relax. Muscles relaxed, my heart stopped beating a mile a minute and I felt better about myself.
I took the time to allow myself to heal, to recover, to feel better about all the stress and anxiety I had been feeling. And it worked. I kept breathing again and again and it just started making me feel less and less stressed.
Then I started to think about warm thoughts and positive things that make me happy. I thought of my dog, Rexfer, and i smiled. I thought of my loved ones, and I smiled. I thought of sunshine, water and swimming pools, and I smiled. I thought of hugging and kissing and making love and I smiled. I breathed deeply, I thought of who I love and what I love doing and I relaxed. And that is how you heal yourself of worry. You breathe. You think.